The Bewilderness

Tales from the VAT frontier

Sometimes a VAT case can shed light on some of the most extraordinary questions that plague us. Tax is a boon to semantics, especially as the added incentive of money bestows split ends.

The Belgians are debating what makes a cinema. The question is as follows:

Should a cubicle consisting of a lockable space where there is room for only one person and where this person can watch films on a television screen for payment, where this person personally starts the film projection by inserting a coin and has a choice of different films, and during the time paid for can continually modify his/her choice of projected films, be regarded as a 'cinema' as referred to in the Sixth Council directive No 77/338/EEC of 17 May, 1977, Annex H, category 7 (subsequently: Annex III, No. 7, of Council directive 2006/112/EC of 28 November, 2006)?

Methinks there is some confusion on the technology here as the films can't be projected onto a television screen. They rely on video technology, surely? Especially when doubt about the type of cubicle is dispelled by the applicant: Erotic Center BVBA.

Gardening exoskeletons for your 90s

It may be useful down in the farm in Japan, but gardening exoskeletons will be all the rage in England during the 2020s.

We can rename you

We can rename New Zealand.

The New Zealand Geographic Board has ruined everything, however, by discovering that North Island and South Island are not the legal names for the north and south island. After spending several years exploring possible Maori names for the islands, which make up 95 per cent of New Zealand – the tiny and sparsely populated Stuart Island is the third – the Geographic Board realised that the islands had never officially been given names. Now they are asking New Zealanders what they would like their islands to be called.

My suggestions are Hillary and Rutherford.

Half empty

A warning against lists

Dave Freeman, the co-author of best-selling travel guide "100 Things to Do Before You Die" has died aged 47, before completing his irreverent list.

Mr Freeman had managed to tick off around 50 of the adventures recommended by his book, including land-diving on the Pacific island of Vanuatu and running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

The glass is half empty.

The 50th state or the 1st colony

Did you know that the monarchy of the Sandwich Islands survives, despite the US backed coup of the 1890s? This is one of the shadowy nativist groups that demands sovereignty for the aboriginal islanders and denounces the annexation of the islands by the United States

Hawaii has about 200,000 Native Hawaiians, or kânaka maoli, out of a population of 1.3 million. The Hawaiian Kingdom Government is just one of a number of sovereignty groups, many with similar names, waging independence campaigns.

All aim to "right the wrong" inflicted on Native Hawaiians in 1893 when a small, mostly American group of sugar plantation owners and other businessmen overthrew the Hawaiian monarchy with the support of US troops sent ashore from a Navy warship.

The then monarch, Queen Liliuokalani, gave up her throne "to this superior force of the United States of America" and was imprisoned in the Iolani Palace in Honolulu, built by her brother King Kalakaua. In 1898, Hawaii was annexed by the United States and in 1959 became the 50th US state.

"The Hawaiian kingdom was unlawfully taken over by a coup d'etat and then those that took it over formed an illegal government and then ceded Hawaii to the United States," said Leon Siu, minister of foreign affairs for the Hawaiian Kingdom, another sovereignty group that shares many of the Hawaiian Kingdom Government's aims.

The chances of Hawai'an independence are too small, as nativists are outnumbered and outgunned by everybody else. Nor do they even have limited sovereignty like Amerindians in mainland states. The annexation was a dismal affair and restitution in some manner is appropriate. The apology given by Bill Clinton in 1993 strikes as insufficient. Yet, such measures need to be balanced with the property rights and demands from those who live in Hawai'i now: families and individuals who have no less a right to live in the slands that they call home.

Union Jack II

The Telegraph asked its readers to redesign the Union Jack and incorporate the Principality of Wales. This followed the attention seeking intervention From Wrexham Labour MP, Ian Lucas. There are some wonderful designs, especially when the Japanese decided to contribute.

The thought of flying a Union Jack with a manga character, Ana Coppola, on the front, peering out, is amusing. However, there were some other designs that proved more patriotic than I had expected. Very cool  for identity. My favourite is  St George slaying the dragon. The missed opportunity is putting Captain Britain in the frame.

Arthur C . Clarke Predicts...

In the April 2000 issue of "Asimov's Science Fiction", Arthur C. Clarke provided predictions for a brief history of the 21st century. He made six predictions for the first six years, including:

2002 'Cold fusion' replaces fossil fuels; Pons and Fleischmann receive Nobel Prize for physics.
2003 Automobiles companies given five years to replace fossil fuel engines
2004 First (publicly admitted) human clone
2006 Last coal mine closed.....and
2008 Stanley Kubrick receives a special Oscar on his 80th birthday [I know I am being cruel here]

Not the most successful of track records: but the Grandmaster has, more importantly: AI at 2020, full understanding of the brain at 2025 and the universal replicator at 2040. We shall see.

Celebrating British Ingenuity

Two stunning British inventions come to the fore in 2005. From now on, women will be able to pee upright:

Women urinating while standing up is now easily achieved, thanks to a funnel-like device, its manufacturer claims.

Brisbane-based company WhizBiz said: "The Whiz" fits snugly against the body to enable women to "take a stand" like their male counterparts and avoid smelly public toilets and long queues.

Invented two years ago in Britain, The Whiz is coated in an anti-bacterial agent so that it does not have to be cleaned and is reusable, WhizBiz spokesman Lachie Campbell told Australia's news agency AAP.

"It is coated with a hi-tech plasma film developed by the British Army which repels fluid, meaning women can pee, flick once to dry and stuff it in their handbag," he said.

Pictures of the Whiz and smiling women can be found at the Whiz website. And for the men, artificial foreskins.

The naming of Royals is a difficult matter

The Christmas season often brings forth stories that act as an 'Indian summer' for the silly season, reminding us of warm August evenings, listening to the closing overs of a test (rain permitting), and a time when you can sit outside a pub drinking Ordinary in any London green. Summer nostalgia aside, this year's theme revolves around name changes.

In Manhattan, Jorge Luis Espinal sent a reporter to new heights of expression with his legal petition for the Second Coming:

A Manhattan man's holiday spirits soared to celestial heights today when a judge gave him permission to change his name to Jesus Christ.

Jose Luis Espinal, 42, said he was "happy" and "grateful" that the judge approved the change, effective immediately.

Espinal said he was moved to seek the name change about a year ago when it dawned on him: "I am the person that is that name."

The article provides some further information on the legal framework governing legal name changes. You can be a name but not a number in South Dakota. You can be Jesus Christ so long as your intention is not to defraud others by your actions or avoid an obligation. Jose has more chance of changing his name than a convicted conman, or possibly, a politician such as Tony Blair, if the latter wished to change his name to that of the Messiah.

The judge said she held a hearing in which Espinal, who also uses the last name Tejeda, testified. She said he was aware of the "common law right to assume another name without legal proceedings so long as the change is not made to deceive or perpetrate a fraud or to avoid an obligation" but wanted to go the formal route anyway.

The judge said Espinal's "reasons were primarily those applicable to his own private religious beliefs and he stated no desire to use his proposed name to secure publicity, to proselytise, to fund-raise or advise others that he had been cloaked by the courts or government with a religious authority".

Jose's example has been followed by that closet nominalist Prince Charles who is reported to be seeking coronation as King George. Changing the name of the Prince or Princess on accession to the throne is quite common and the Royal Family supposedly views the name Charles as jinxed, due to associations with decapitating Puritans and rebellious Jacobite pretenders.

Patrick Cracroft-Brennan, a genealogist from Cracroft's Peerage, said: "There has been a tradition over the last century for the regnal title to be different to the christian name. The change would make sense.

"Monarchs called Charles have not had much luck. One was beheaded, one was in exile, and one was a pretender to the throne.

While the Prince of Wales is known throughout the world as Charles, there is enormous goodwill to the name George. George VI was an outstanding and popular king who took over in the aftermath of the abdication crisis and rallied his people during World War II, Mr Cracroft-Brennan said.

"King George and Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother were wonderful. I think George VII and Queen Camilla sound wonderful, too."

A swift name-change to airbrush the excesses and eccentricities of  unfortunate heirs seems all too common with the Hanoverians.  If our heir to the throne will  adopt a name off Rainbow, surely Zippy or the more accurate Bungle would prove just as gracious and popular.   

Out of Office

Halloween Break. Back in second week of November, with possible interludes.